The man persistently checks your phone and social networks? Questioning, nitpicking, jealousy… And maybe you are hurting him endless calls of “Where are you?” or “Who are you with?” These are the most obvious symptoms of distrust, which are quite capable of destroying your relationship.
Doubts, suspicions, resentments, violation of personal boundaries – such a relationship becomes a trap for both partners. The problem must be urgently solved before it is too late!
About trust
What is trust? Imagine a situation: the father throws or circles on the room of the child. He laughs merrily and enjoys the flight. The baby even thought there is that it is not caught, dropped, hurt. This is boundless trust.
What happens in adulthood? Imagine a person you believe blindfolds you and says, “Fall, I’ll catch you!” and at the last moment just walks away. You fall, you hit the sinful earth painfully, but the main thing – you get a lesson: you can not trust. And with each partner’s offense, this installation grows deeper in your soul. Even if the offender will be replaced by a sensitive, understanding man – you will need a lot of effort to fall into his arms without fear.
What gives you confidence:
- Confidence that the words, actions and intentions of the partner are true.
- You can freely share your experiences, emotions and at the same time know that you will be understood correctly and will not be judged.
- You know that all this will remain between you.
- In a difficult moment you will not be left without support.
- You feel safe. Family really becomes your fortress, not a house of cards, which will scatter because of the slightest trouble.
- You are not nervous on trifles, keep harmony and balance.
The only lack of trust is that it’s very fragile. To destroy the trust relationship is very easy: a couple of times to tell a lie (even a little, and benefit), to give a reason to be jealous, indifferent shrug from the problems of the partner… So I strongly suggest to experience the love of strength.
No one is born with the ability to build the right relationships without mistakes.
Why is it difficult for women to trust a partner?
Here is a girl who grew up in a wonderful family, but met a fool who broke her heart. And the trustfulness that had been nurtured in her for years disappeared in an instant. And here’s a woman who didn’t have the best relationship with her father, brother, or first boyfriend. She resembled a bristling hedgehog who would not show his tender belly to anyone. But on her way met a real MAN: kind, patient, strong. Who wanted to BELIEVE. You know what I mean?
Loss of trust. The opinion of the psychologist
There are several levels of trust. If we enter into a relationship, but there is no trust in the man initially, this can be caused by two factors: either the girl already has programs and beliefs (parental scenarios, basic distrust as a result of childhood or adolescent injuries), or good intuition and to some extent it protects her when choosing men. That is, she sees the guy, and the inner voice says: you can not trust him. But sometimes not.
When we’re in a relationship, we can lose trust. Why?
A man does not fulfill his obligations – You rely on him, and he disappoints you. You ask him – he does not, he promised – and did not fulfill. His actions do not correspond to what he declares.
Reasonable and unfounded suspicion – The man begins to behave strangely, does not answer calls, is late at work, he receives SMS in the middle of the night – and he says “Wrong number” or “it does not Matter”, and he evades your direct questions. If you observe such behavior for a long time – your distrust is justified, if a couple of days – it is important not to make premature conclusions. Perhaps the partner is upset or he has problems from which he wants to protect you. And to solve the problem, you need to talk openly.
How to understand whether you have reasonable trust or not?
To help you find the answer, we have prepared a test.
- The most terrible topic is when trust is lost as a result of treason. In this case, it is important to understand what provoked this situation, why the man changed, why it happened in your relationship?
- Responsibility is always divided 50/50. These questions we are working on the course “Man: honest instruction”, so register and learn to build a correct and harmonious relationship.
- Trust can be restored only if both partners are ready to move forward and restore the lost. You will need the help of a psychologist, you need to build an open dialogue, an open relationship in which a woman sees what a man does for her as compensation for what happened. For her part, the wife is also doing everything possible to restore the balance, because of the loss of which there was a loss of confidence.
If the pain is so strong that you are not ready to build on a relationship with a man – they need to be completed. But first, to work with pain, to accept the situation, to learn the lesson why it happened – and only after that to make a decision. Never cut straight from the shoulder even if the man went “left”, this always has an explanation. If the partner was faithful for many years, he would not change just like that.
If trust is lost as a result of unfounded suspicions, it is necessary to talk, establish emotional intimacy and build transparent and understandable relationships. You can’t control it, do not discount, do not criticize, and he, in turn, does everything to make you feel secure. Take care of the relationship, trust is very easy to lose, and to restore – is extremely difficult.
Women’s fears: where do they come from?
Most often, your internal programs come into play, which simply do not allow you to relax, remove the armor and show the man your weaknesses.
Parental patterns. Imagine the situation: the girl Marina was raised by a single mother, very offended by her father and men in General. The best her daughter ever heard was, “All men are assholes like your daddy.” In fact, my mother gave Marina a disservice: firmly hammered into the subconscious of the girl that men are dangerous people, you can not trust them, because at any moment you can betray. Such attitudes are transmitted to children in which the father beat the mother, changed or did not respect her as a woman.
Distrust of men. Olga met with the guy. First love, moonlit walks, candy flowers. All sweet and romantic. That’s just walking with a friend, accidentally went to a cafe, and there as in a bad joke – a loved one kisses another. More clear: the scandal, the breakup, the tears. And the subconscious belief that men are traitors. And on any boyfriend girl is already looking through the prism of distrust.
Low self-esteem. When a woman does not love and does not accept her essence, does not consider herself worthy of a normal relationship. “He’s too good for me,” “Well, look at us, we don’t look like a couple: he’s handsome, and I’m a gray mouse.” It is better not to let him too close initially: if he leaves – it will not hurt so much.
Try to change your world
Basic distrust of the world. Negative attitudes of society, the sad experience of friends and acquaintances. Someone a man offended, over someone laughed, someone changed – these fears accumulate and not give build normal relations. Such women are always on the alert: stayed at work – changes, did not fulfill the promise – so be sure to betray in a difficult moment. This mistrust and suspicion ruins relationships.
Intuitive distrust. Intuition is a good thing, but sometimes it fails. And the man unfairly faces your fears and suspicions. Unfounded distrust easily destroys relationships.
If the fears appeared after you entered into a relationship, then there are reasons.
Unjustified expectations. Anya for a long time did not understand what living with a boy, not a man. He often promised, but did not fulfill, forgot to meet her from work, nail the shelf in the bathroom, take the child to kindergarten. At first, I translated everything as a joke, forgave, did myself. And then I realized that the strong shoulder, she had dreamed, not near. There is a boy who needs to be guided, controlled, educated. But there is no trust in him.
It is the ability to be responsible for their words and actions makes a man a MAN. And if the partner does not want to take responsibility, maybe it’s just not your man?
The desire to control everything. Masha sincerely believed that there should be full trust in the family. Just confused trust with total control. You are late – call and report, put the password on the phone – share with your wife, she does not want anything bad to you.
So there should b e a way to deal
Mary believed that it has a right to know about all matters, conversations, meetings, and movements of her husband. Domineering mother, problematic previous relationships, social attitudes that a woman should be strong and strong-willed – Masha has many reasons to be an iron lady. Here only the husband was tired of the constant dictatorship: nothing seems to be done – and still feel guilty. He began to hide, lie, defend his point of view. And the relationship somehow imperceptibly appeared on the verge of divorce.
Betrayal. The woman had experienced pain and did not want its recurrence. Alina lived 10 happy years in marriage. Her husband carried her in his arms and showered her with flowers. To find out the truth helped the accident: canceled the flight, the girl returned home and found lovers in all its glory. Now Alina doesn’t believe men. In each of them she sees a potential traitor. And a beautiful young woman remains alone because she doesn’t want to repeat the old story.
Distrust destroys even a long-lasting and reliable relationship. Secrets, suspicions, quibbles, far-fetched fears just do not allow you to relax. Partners like living on a powder keg: the wrong step, the word – and everything will explode. In such a relationship, both are unhappy. The guilty (or unfairly accused) is constantly faced with pressure and moral destruction (checking phones, scandals, surveillance, etc.).